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Winter wings its line as I

sleep the night drinks deep-the 
moon has replaced blood with wine
serving those faced with their last
look at earthly skies. The sun observes
winter's stuttering hook to warn of clouds
passing like a ghost train and the desire for death's
refrain, the moon's fingers are aflame and it aims
to lure the hesitant aboard as it's intoxication is poured.
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Hmmm ...

On 3/11/2020 at 6:52 AM, eclipse said:
those faced with their last
look at earthly skies

... and if I am one of them, I would want you to go on living. Bottoms up, and carry on!

Tony 🌖

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Another wild, mythological-feeling fantasy! I'm reminded of Steeleye Span's song "Drink Down the Moon." It's an interesting, probably effective choice to separate the first line from the rest. As readers, we are faced with our own interesting choice of whether to mentally place punctuation after "line" or after "sleep"--kind of like a Choose Your Own Adventure book, with different outcomes for each course! "The moon has replaced blood with wine"--an intriguing concept that a "blood moon" may be just the beginning of strange lunar transformations. I also love "winter's stuttering hook." I didn't care much for the three internal rhymes that follow; I thought they gave things  a gimmicky slam-poet feel. "Ghost train" feels like a bit of a cliche, but it is a perfect image, with arresting power, here! I want a semicolon after "refrain," "it's" should not have an apostrophe, and don't forget the difference between a hyphen and an em dash!

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"the moon's fingers are aflame"

Love that!

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