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In a dream the moon was balanced

On the wings of a butterfly, two tears
Fell creating a confluence on the wings.
I was at once both divine and human
Curing the world of corona while watching from a hole in heavens floor
Where I absorbed the last light that
Entered the eyes of those gone.
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Intriguing. I would like to know who the speaker is. I only have my theories. I don't want you to reveal who it is, I just would like to know. Nice work, Barry.

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Hi Barry,   I felt like the narrator was teetering on the head of a pin as I read this.  This has a lightness that quickly becomes weighted with sadness.   As usual you imagery is stunning.

Addressing the techniques used in the writing of this poem, here is how your poem looked from my perspective. 

  • I think the space between L1 and L2 created for me the reader, too long of a pause and I didn't visualize the image of the moon balanced on butterfly wings until I had read it a couple of times. On first read I just saw a "balanced" moon of equal shades, not a sphere rolling around on the back of a butterfly trying to stay aloft.   If it were mine, I would close the gap.   
  • I thought it interesting that L4 just stuck out of the pack, like a long finger from a closed fist.  I think I understand the purpose of that particular image presented in one strung out line for impact but visually, the first thought that came to mind was it was a typo and you didn't hit the return/enter key after "watching".  
  • The entire piece is a tight, unique message.  In my opinion it would be visually  more appealing to read if the 2 issues above were eliminate  

I really liked this poem.  A timely, emotional piece.

~~Tink
 

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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