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Sweetbriar


Tinker
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Sweetbriar

A rose blossoms
with velvet touch,
its source Eurasian bred.
Delicate bloom
in single-ply,
Sweetbriar pink and red.

Fragrant buds'
full tilt display - -
too wild to tame in bed.
Mixed in bristles,
their prickly stem
a harvest lightly tread.
             ~~Judi Van Gorder

Verse Form: Sweetbriar

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~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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The first three lines had me hooked: 

1 hour ago, Tinker said:

A rose blossoms
with velvet touch
it's known Eurasian bred ...

And, "Too wild to tame in bed"? Now, that's steamy!

Tony

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Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Remarkably deft and beautiful. Really enjoyed TY Judi!

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thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

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A nicely crafted poem, Judi--I like the form! It's interesting that you chose to take its name as a cue for your subject--that worked!

 "Single-ply" is an interesting descriptor, "full tilt display" is a perfect image, and "mixed in bristles/prickly" is really nice sonics. I, too, got a good laugh out of "too wild to tame in bed." You have a perfect excuse for the innuendo..."a bed" would simply have destroyed the meter! 😃 "A harvest lightly tread" is a cunning way to pull off that last rhyme.

Might I just suggest that you place a comma after "touch," since what follows modifies this phrase? That would also help prevent the confusion I had in my first read, in which I incorrectly interpreted "blossoms" as a plural noun rather than a verb. Also, why not put an apostrophe after "buds" and then a dash or colon after "display" to form a more coherent thought-unit?

You know I'm a sucker (no pun intended) for a gardening poem, but this one earns my appreciation for reasons beyond bias.

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@A. BaezThanks for the help with punctuation.  I always err on the side of too little when it comes to commas and such.   I need to get better at that.  I like the idea of the dash especially which is a symbol I rarely use, but you are right it seems to work there.

~~Judi

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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Yeah, I think of the em dash as an informal alternative to the colon or semicolon--I find it quite useful! I would have put one after "right" in your above comment, too. 😉 I checked on this a while ago and confirmed that the em dash should really consist of two dashes, though, otherwise it reads as a hyphen. For some reason, I notice that a lot of people on this site use a space, hyphen, space in lieu of two dashes to signify the traditional em dash.

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