Tinker Posted May 7, 2020 Share Posted May 7, 2020 Sweetbriar A rose blossoms with velvet touch, its source Eurasian bred. Delicate bloom in single-ply, Sweetbriar pink and red. Fragrant buds' full tilt display - - too wild to tame in bed. Mixed in bristles, their prickly stem a harvest lightly tread. ~~Judi Van Gorder Verse Form: Sweetbriar 1 Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 The first three lines had me hooked: 1 hour ago, Tinker said: A rose blossoms with velvet touch it's known Eurasian bred ... And, "Too wild to tame in bed"? Now, that's steamy! Tony 1 Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted May 8, 2020 Author Share Posted May 8, 2020 Yes Tony, even the serene rose has its moments. ~~Judi Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bob Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 This...I like. Bob 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 Remarkably deft and beautiful. Really enjoyed TY Judi! 1 Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A. Baez Posted May 16, 2020 Share Posted May 16, 2020 A nicely crafted poem, Judi--I like the form! It's interesting that you chose to take its name as a cue for your subject--that worked! "Single-ply" is an interesting descriptor, "full tilt display" is a perfect image, and "mixed in bristles/prickly" is really nice sonics. I, too, got a good laugh out of "too wild to tame in bed." You have a perfect excuse for the innuendo..."a bed" would simply have destroyed the meter! 😃 "A harvest lightly tread" is a cunning way to pull off that last rhyme. Might I just suggest that you place a comma after "touch," since what follows modifies this phrase? That would also help prevent the confusion I had in my first read, in which I incorrectly interpreted "blossoms" as a plural noun rather than a verb. Also, why not put an apostrophe after "buds" and then a dash or colon after "display" to form a more coherent thought-unit? You know I'm a sucker (no pun intended) for a gardening poem, but this one earns my appreciation for reasons beyond bias. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted May 17, 2020 Author Share Posted May 17, 2020 @A. BaezThanks for the help with punctuation. I always err on the side of too little when it comes to commas and such. I need to get better at that. I like the idea of the dash especially which is a symbol I rarely use, but you are right it seems to work there. ~~Judi Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A. Baez Posted May 17, 2020 Share Posted May 17, 2020 Yeah, I think of the em dash as an informal alternative to the colon or semicolon--I find it quite useful! I would have put one after "right" in your above comment, too. 😉 I checked on this a while ago and confirmed that the em dash should really consist of two dashes, though, otherwise it reads as a hyphen. For some reason, I notice that a lot of people on this site use a space, hyphen, space in lieu of two dashes to signify the traditional em dash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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