rhymeguy Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 Wrapped in yesterday's coat permeated with the stench of someone else’s life. It is warm. It was free. He sleeps. He dreams. Dreams of a coat that smells only of him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 There seems to be a run on excellent minimalist poems! A fine contribution RG- palatable pathos and longing in a few succint words- excellent! DC Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 An image that permeates the mind. I really like this. Excellent. badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 Hi rg, A great metaphor for life itself - there's a wistfulness that suggests a loss and with this comes longing and perhaps some fragment of hope that his sense of himself survives in some form: Wrapped in yesterday's coat permeated with the stench of someone else’s life. And: He dreams. Dreams of a coat that smells only of him. So much in just a few words. goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 Wonderful short metaphorical poem. I love it. I love the pause in the poem in the middle part. Well done. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 I like when I can read a poem in several ways, Rhymeguy, and this is one of those poems: the "he" in lines five and six could be the wearer or the donor of the coat (if taken within the context of a relationship). I also like how you employ the third person; in my reading (replete with multiple possibilities), it could even reference the narrator himself. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhymeguy Posted May 24, 2009 Author Share Posted May 24, 2009 So many lovely comments, thank you. Each of you bring so much talent, knowledge and wisdom to this place. I am continualy awed by this collective group. I aspire to possess even a modicum of the skill I find here each time I visit. Additionally you are kind and patient with me as I seek to grow. Thank you for your encouragement and inspiration. rg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.