To Return

[JoelJosol]

To return is

to shuffle recollections,

to superimpose images

 

against what is seen,

what is felt

under this different sky.

 

Where we stood together

has been altered.

Before us are rocks, black

 

against an earth,

browned by lack of grass

and trees.

 

I fear the rains

took away whatever is left

between us.

 

I can plant seeds here

and there,

if you let me.

 

This side of the mountain

can return its color

once again,

 

its past and present

will be one,

if you just say so.

 

Let me find

the same you

again.

[rumisong]

!!!Marvelous, Joel!!!

 

I especially like

 

against what is seen,

what is felt

under this different sky.

 

and

 

I fear the rains

took away whatever is left

between us.

[tonyv]

Fantastic rhythm and musicality in this composition, Joel. I like the first passage which Rumisong pointed out; from it, under this different sky is mesmerizing and has a trance-like effect. The whole poem is good so I won't quote it all, but this passage caught me, too:

I can plant seeds here

and there,

if you let me.

If you let me ... it says so much! And you stress it in the last verse for added effect. I loved it.

 

Tony

[Frank E Gibbard]

Great evocation of relational metamorphosis Joel with your usual metaphorical mastery. Frank

[dr_con]

JJ,

 

Eternal return @ its finest. A love song to the eternal within an ever changing world----

 

Very, very good

 

DC

[JoelJosol]

Thank guys, rumisong, tony, frank, and DrC. This is part of the inspiration I got going up the mountains in my country.

[Tinker]

Ooooo this is really good Joel. I've read it 5 times now and it gets deeper with each reading. I love your style of writing, I recognize your work without reading your name, and I am never disappointed. You always touch something inside me even though the subject changes from poem to poem. There is a quality of musicality to your poetry that plays around in my head. If you ever decide to be published put me on the notification list. I will be one of the first to buy. (but I expect an autographed copy:) )

 

~~Tink

[Aleksandra]

Wow Joel this poem is fantastic. One of your best. The trip to the mountains inspired you a lot and that is wonderful. Away from same happening every day always gives results. I love all expressions, I can't pick up which part I enjoy the most.

 

Thank you for the enjoyable read.

 

Aleksandra

[waxwings]

To return is

to shuffle recollections,

to superimpose images

 

against what is seen,

what is felt

under this different sky.

 

Where we stood together

has been altered.

Before us are rocks, black

 

against an earth,

browned by lack of grass

and trees.

 

I fear the rains

took away whatever is left

between us.

 

I can plant seeds here

and there,

if you let me.

 

This side of the mountain

can return its color

once again,

 

its past and present

will be one,

if you just say so.

 

Let me find

the same you

again.

 

A most excellent piece, in many ways, for it is driven by feelings that seems can be clearly shared by many if not all. My favorite part (other than S9) is S5, and it is good when there is no letdown around the middle of a longer poem. S1 is an absolute pip, as a beginning should be, and you carry it on in S2 and S3, although I could wish a less jagged transition, i.e., "Where etc.", suggests a dependent clause (after a period?) even though I think it to be a natural interjective modifyier Usu. offset by commas) to that (wonderful) "different sky". I like the way your intensity varies throughout, with S6, 7 and 8 again being just somewhat subdued in comparison but making S9 an even stronger, nigh perfect closure.

 

I thank you for a good read.

 

waxwings

[rhymeguy]

I have read this many times and have loved it each time. For me it speaks to the thought: "You can never go home again." Each tomorrow changes what we bring with us when we try to go back to yesterday. The first verse sets the stage for that thought so beautifully. You have done well here.

 

rg