Stripes

[eclipse]

In a dream fires watch from within the eyes of a snake as it summons the sleeper who becomes a glass, receptacle. Trees feign hide and seek then demand a seance, rain sleeps in clouds. The sleeper is summoned out of the flames on a tiger's back, the moon is caged in stripes, its ministry is camouflaged, the earth is dying in disguise. The suns fires are like furloughed teeth.
 

[JoelJosol]

I like the kaleidoscope of imagery in your poetry combined with its lyrical flowing rhythm. 

You repeated "fires" twice with a "flames" making the image appear thrice for emphasis, I suppose.

Could the California fires inspired this?

[tonyv]

Hints of Blakes' The Tyger give rise to this altogether new creation. 

On 9/5/2020 at 12:44 PM, eclipse said:

Trees feign hide and seek then demand a seance, rain sleeps in clouds.

I love how they demand it. Damn, that speaks to my way! It's novel, and:

On 9/5/2020 at 12:44 PM, eclipse said:

the moon is caged in stripes, its ministry is camouflaged

brings it round, full circle ...  to the tiger.

Tony

[David W. Parsley]

Hi Barry, the sequence of images and actions transpire in the best tradition of French Symbolism.  I would prefer deleting the first three words, comes off as, not just trite, but lacking conviction in the brilliant succession of images to follow.

Like Joel, I was disturbed by the recurrence of 'fire', which is saved from further recurrence by 'flame' but only apparently - passive verbs emphasize the repetition which can tend to tedium.  This is exacerbated by the repetition of 'sleep/sleeper', 'a', 'the', etc.  The final sentence also has this passivity and lacks focus.  I recommend taking another pass through this to imagine each of these instances more actively and vividly, e.g. what are the sun's 'fires' (express more imaginatively and differently from other occurrences) doing that make them 'like' (how about something more active than this simile?) 'furloughed (what an original turn!) teeth'?, etc.

Nice Possibilities!
- David