gurunAthan Posted November 19, 2020 Share Posted November 19, 2020 001. Truth and WisdomgurunAthan ramaNi (couplets: iambic tetrameter) The earth vibrates with so much noise The sky, refined, is peace and poise. ... 1 shivA is bright in a peaceful stance.shaktI, his wife, shows up in dance. ... 2 The moving breath is body's make The wise, they move it like a snake. ... 3 This world's a showy dream for eyes Beneath it lurks the Truth for the wise. ... 4 When you set the my apart from I And leave the why you know the sky. ... 5 Notes:shivA - God of Destruction in the Hindu Trinity who rejuvenates the world after the Great Deluge.shaktI - Consort of Shiva who is the source of energy in the Universe. snake - refers to the kuNDalinI force sky - the Truth about heavens. ***** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted November 19, 2020 Share Posted November 19, 2020 Welcome, gurunAthan. I'm excited that you've joined the forum. I like your debut submittal a lot. To me, it's quite pleasing from content to form. In five relatively short couplets (tetrameters in lieu of pentameters) you've presented an intriguing narrative that includes historical (1), earthly (2), intellectual (3), spiritual (4), and philosophical (5) ingredients. I love that you've included the notes. The layout and look of the work is scholarly and artistically pleasing. Thank you for this exciting, tasteful presentation. It's very much to my liking. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted November 20, 2020 Share Posted November 20, 2020 Has shamanic quality... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gurunAthan Posted November 20, 2020 Author Share Posted November 20, 2020 13 hours ago, tonyv said: Welcome, gurunAthan. I'm excited that you've joined the forum. ... Thank you for this exciting, tasteful presentation. It's very much to my liking. Tony Thanks a lot, tonyv, for your understanding and appreciation of my debut poem in this esteemed group. Currently, I am in the task of creating Tamizh equivalents of some of such a large number of English Poetry forms that Miss/Mrs. Tinker has accumulated and expounded very well. In that process, I am happy to try my hand in some of the forms writing my own English verses. I am happy to join this group and look forward to deepening of my understanding of English prosody and poetry. gurunAthan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gurunAthan Posted November 20, 2020 Author Share Posted November 20, 2020 5 hours ago, eclipse said: Has shamanic quality... Thanks, eclipse. gurunAthan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted January 2, 2021 Share Posted January 2, 2021 Hi gurunAthan, you make a fascinating and welcome addition to our forum. Tony's observation on the five distinct narratives in the sequence is of interest, as is Barry's affinity for the shamanic elements. I am not much for end-stop-rhyme lines usually, but the brevity and 5-step progression of the piece makes it work here. And the rhymes lack triteness, informing how the poem means with such pairings and juxtapositions as noise-poise, stance-dance, etc. Thanks, - David Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gurunAthan Posted January 4, 2021 Author Share Posted January 4, 2021 Thanks for your observations, David. gurunAthan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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