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Poetry Magnum Opus

Family, Temple (Arabesque couplets)


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gurunAthan

gurunAthan ramaNi
(Arabesque couplets)

Family
Sleeping baby's smiling in the cradle
Peeping mother, her mental peace restored. 
Father's typing something in his laptop 
Bothers seldom to spend some time with them.

Temple
Raining drops are jumping in the temple courtyard
Straining her eyes my grandma looks at the evening sky 
Wishing hard to show a rainbow, moves, her sari
Swishing, she walks under the temple's stony roof.

★★★★★
 

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gurunAthan

Thanks, elipse.

gurunAthan.

 

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David W. Parsley

Interesting conjunction of images, gurunAthan.  I particularly the "jumping" raindrops.

 - David

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gurunAthan

Thank you, David.

gurunAthan

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I don't know what Arabesque couplets are -- I know I can find out, but I won't -- but I don't need to know what they are to know I love this poem. I love the mood.

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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gurunAthan

Thanks, Tony.

gurunAthan

 

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Quote

Bothers seldom to spend some time with them.

hi

There are exotic elements in your poem that attracted my interest...sari, temple...and also, as Tony says, the mood (the domestic picture). The form has provided a frame for the write, though the inversion quoted above and all those -ing sounds detract from the poem's pleasures (after all sonics are a primary attraction for reading poetry).

hope that helps some

Phil

ps I notice England's first Test is in Chennai. I expect an easy win for India after their terrific performance against Australia.

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gurunAthan

Thanks, Phil for your suggestions about sonics. Since it needs to be a head-rhyme, and the continuing action sets the mood, I used the -ing. Perhaps I should try another verse, with better sonics. Thank you, again.

gurunAthan

 

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