gurunAthan Posted January 2, 2021 Share Posted January 2, 2021 gurunAthan ramaNi(Arabesque couplets) Family Sleeping baby's smiling in the cradle Peeping mother, her mental peace restored. Father's typing something in his laptop Bothers seldom to spend some time with them. Temple Raining drops are jumping in the temple courtyard Straining her eyes my grandma looks at the evening sky Wishing hard to show a rainbow, moves, her sari Swishing, she walks under the temple's stony roof. ★★★★★ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted January 2, 2021 Share Posted January 2, 2021 Very pleasant... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gurunAthan Posted January 2, 2021 Author Share Posted January 2, 2021 Thanks, elipse. gurunAthan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted January 2, 2021 Share Posted January 2, 2021 Interesting conjunction of images, gurunAthan. I particularly the "jumping" raindrops. - David Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gurunAthan Posted January 4, 2021 Author Share Posted January 4, 2021 Thank you, David. gurunAthan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted January 24, 2021 Share Posted January 24, 2021 I don't know what Arabesque couplets are -- I know I can find out, but I won't -- but I don't need to know what they are to know I love this poem. I love the mood. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gurunAthan Posted January 25, 2021 Author Share Posted January 25, 2021 Thanks, Tony. gurunAthan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted January 29, 2021 Share Posted January 29, 2021 Quote Bothers seldom to spend some time with them. hi There are exotic elements in your poem that attracted my interest...sari, temple...and also, as Tony says, the mood (the domestic picture). The form has provided a frame for the write, though the inversion quoted above and all those -ing sounds detract from the poem's pleasures (after all sonics are a primary attraction for reading poetry). hope that helps some Phil ps I notice England's first Test is in Chennai. I expect an easy win for India after their terrific performance against Australia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gurunAthan Posted January 29, 2021 Author Share Posted January 29, 2021 Thanks, Phil for your suggestions about sonics. Since it needs to be a head-rhyme, and the continuing action sets the mood, I used the -ing. Perhaps I should try another verse, with better sonics. Thank you, again. gurunAthan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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