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Poetry Magnum Opus

End of days


eclipse
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eclipse

Does a planet watch itself burn in the eyes of angels as they format earthly skies. The
Moon's ghosts howl as they pass through the sun.
Wolves in the forest
Are silent their eyes
Are like bells in 
Abandoned cathedrals,
Waters of a wishing
Well whisper about
Wanting a change of
Form, an ark of final sounds,
Redirect lightning to
Wake a sleeping God.
 

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Barry, this was a pleasing read. Some especially striking parts --

On 5/22/2021 at 11:14 AM, eclipse said:

Moon's ghosts howl

... and

On 5/22/2021 at 11:14 AM, eclipse said:

... their eyes
Are like bells in 
Abandoned cathedrals ...

I might consider changing "redirect" (in the penultimate line) to "redirecting." It's not really necessary, it's just the way I want to read it.

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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David W. Parsley

Agree this is a fine piece in the making, Barry. But not sure the two concluding lines can bear another “-ing”.

Would consider substituting a word like “pupils” or something even more interesting for “eyes” in line 1 and/or 5. Same goes for “angels” - just too many appearances for them to get their halos settled and spiffy again, much less their puissance.

 - David 

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JoelJosol

I like the musicality, the alliteration, and as identified by Tony, the metaphors.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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