I have lived all my dreams in a cold room

[Omar]

I am not sure about this one yet, if there're any mistakes that I didn't pay attention to please share!

 

-I have lived all my dreams in a cold room-
And all the sunsets warmed me Till I bloomed
And every rain drop I heard greeting me
as I had been entering the louvre,
And all the paintings were harking for
My footsteps in the echoing halls
Till they all stepped out of their pictures,
 And started all their tales telling me

I had sank in the sea
and all his Mermaids had seen.


I had come to a day that
God died, and all his angels
Were in grief and themselves
Killing till filled with feathers the earth.
-I have lived all my dreams in a cold room-
 
I have seen hands clapping,
Tinctures of flashes ,sprinkling the
Tender nights of summer.

I witnessed time bending before me
And days so azure that my heart came out
Of me.
And so many times the sun had talked to me
 Till the moon envied me.

Blear, Uncertain waves of the ocean,
And I -swim- could not neither the stars
Could guide me,Till I have come to a feeling
That Myself found will not be.
-I have lived all my dreams in a cold room-

The star's dust and the sound of the moon,
Clear blue sky, and the summer that could not wait,
The breeze which came with your hand,
And the look that painted me jasmines,
I can snif it because from here I know it is True.
-I have lived all my dreams in a cold room-








 

[Tinker]

Hello Omar,   I really enjoyed the imagery of this piece.  "lived all my dreams in a cold room"  I could feel this.

I sometimes found the writing style distracting, caps at the beginning almost every line (not all) threw off the rhythm as I read it, it will take me a few more reads to get it.   I realize many poets use the cap at the beginning of each line and it is a personal choice but in this particular piece it did affect the fluidity and cohesiveness of some images.  I wouldn't call it a mistake, just something to consider.

I found this interesting and in need of exploring further.

~~Tinker

[Omar]

@Tinker thanks so much, I am going to work on that.