Best Left Behind

[Tinker]

Another experiment in meter... 12 lines of dactylic tetrameter... I cheated just a little.

Best Left Behind

Writing a story of love and its turbulent
properties, takes me back farther than I'd like to
go. It's true time has a way of distorting perspective and
changing an incident totally void of propriety
to an event of which some deem acceptable.

You may have thought that this tome might be succulent
bringing out secrets too juicy to verbalize,
but---
telling embarrassing long buried, happenings
only suffices to dredge up what's best left be-
hind. With forgiveness a life can move forward and
mercifully bring us to happiness here in the
now. I propose that we leave it at that.
----------------------- -- Judi Van Gorder

[tonyv]

An ambitious meter for a heavy subject, Tinker. Seems to fit, though ... Thoroughly enjoyed, from content to form.

 

Tony

[waxwings]

Another experiment in meter... 12 lines of dactylic tetrameter... I cheated just a little.

 

Best Left Behind

 

Writing a story of love and its feculent

properties, takes me back farther than I'd like to

go. It's true time has a way of distorting perspective and

changing an incident totally void of propriety

to an event of which some deem acceptable.

 

You may have thought that this tome might be succulent

bringing out secrets too juicy to verbalize,

but---

telling embarrassing long buried, happenings

only suffices to dredge up what's best left be-

hind. With forgiveness a life can move forward and

mercifully bring us to happiness here in the

now. I propose that we leave it at that.

----------------------- -- Judi Van Gorder

 

 

I presume that by "feculent" you mean foul/turbid/murky and not "full of dregs or fecal matter", #1 denotation which, unfortunately comes to mind more readily when ones eyes spot the word printed out.

 

This poem is deep enough for me to not want to say anything more untill you clarify this, at least for me.

[Tinker]

Thanks Tony and WW for the comments. Oh my, the poem isn't deep at all, the word feculent fit the meter and clearly did not communicate the tone I had hoped. I did mean to suggest that love did have its sordid or turbulent side... Ah that is the word I should have used.. turbulent properties. I meant this as a tease, setting the reader up to read juicy details and getting nothing but banter instead. Do I have juicy details? Of course, but I'm not telling them now. You had to be there

 

~~Tink

[waxwings]

A turbulent, perhaps a dark but never a truly sordid side doth love have. There would be exceptions, but not coming from you.

 

The rhythm (you do not have a distinct meter here) is beautiful, tink, as I found, once I learned to recite a few lines by heart so that I could let the stresses vary naturally, speaking like a person would out of emotion and not according to a metrical tick-tock.

 

Never gave this a thought, but I compose vocally or, at least, subvocally. To do a form poem I choose some most simple starting word, that fits the desired foot (not meter), then go on and on, and only later change some words for better ones.

 

To say that a word that is not the best/aptest is preferable because of a meter is not good for the best result.

 

To see how words cling or separate naturally and not forcing syllables to take stress to fit a preconceived pattern is what scansion is supposed to show and what it does show that words used aptly and in apt order (as Frank just put it) create SOMETHING VERY MUCH LIKE MUSIC.

 

I read the first two lines as

 

Su Su uS \ uu Suu

Suu \ uuS \ Su uuSu

[Aleksandra]

I am a little bit slow to catch up what you guys talk, but I do admire you for understanding and playing around with the structure of the poem.

 

I'm pleased to read you and learn from all of you.

 

Thanks Tink.

 

Aleksandra