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Poetry Magnum Opus

Aillte an Mhothair (The Cliffs of Moher)


dedalus
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Two little steps

to the granite edge

as the ocean

three hundred yards down

roils and boils below.

 

One little jump

and it's all over.

 

One little jump,

a single forward step:

 

dizziness.

 

Hands and arms grab me

and there are rough voices

as Marie comes running.

 

It was nothing.

It was nothing.

 

I shall come again

alone, if nothing changes.

 

http://www.transitionsabroad.com/publicati...fs_of_moher.jpg

(rest easy -- I'm not thinking of ending it all just now: too many poems to write!)

Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

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Beautiful, simple and honest. You give us just enough to set the scene then let us go. The last 2 lines finish the story with delightful certainty. When I looked at the picture it was just as I imagined it from the first verse- stark, endless and final.

 

rg

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One quibble. Should the "as" in L3 be a "while" or something of that sort, i.e., dot he little steps do something that is done in the same way that the ocean. "roils and boils".

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Hi dedalus,

 

It's beautiful, breath catching. Thanks for your note at the end. What a relief.

 

waxwings, sometimes, I can't distinguish the difference between "as" and "while" when both work as a conjunction. You're very sensitive to the usage of the English language.

 

Cheers,

 

Lake

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What an image -- thank you for including it -- and what imagery! The three hundred yards down and the way the ocean "roils and boils" heightens anticipation.

 

This repetition is especially effective:

It was nothing.

It was nothing.

The speaker's trifling makes it real.

 

The layout's perfect. I like how you set apart dizziness.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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