Phases of the Moon

[mikejewett]

Hi, I'm Mike and I'm new here. I'll be commenting on other posts shortly.

Phases of the Moon

Whenever the sweet-scented
calyx of palm collects the blue
midday sun in your hair, I sit
passing time in the moon’s
phases and listen to the roaring
silence of thousands of fireflies.

[badger11]

Welcome Mike. Evocative poem. 

best

Phil

 

[tonyv]

Welcome, Mike. I'm delighted that you've joined.

"The blue midday sun in your hair" is particularly striking and much to my liking. I'm also excited by the almost-sense of confusion I get as midday and night seem to conflict and coexist within the confines of this short poem. I get the same effect from the "thousands" of fireflies which, ostensibly, should light up the night like flames and embers roaring upward from a bonfire, yet their "silence" seems only to enhance the darkness, the blackness of night.

Excellent work. I'm looking forward to enjoying more of your poems.

Tony

[JoelJosol]

Powerful imagery. I like the cadence. The image of a calyx in my mind catching the sun is intriguing.

[Tinker]

Hi Mike,  Nice introduction, I'm sorry I'm late in welcoming you. 

After reading this first post, I am excited to see what other gems you will provide for us to savor.  I loved the imagery and rhythm of this piece.

Admittedly I had to look up "calyx" and now I'm challenged to use this word myself.  😎

So glad you've joined us.

~~Tink

[David W. Parsley]

Welcome to the forum, Mike.  I, too, had to look up the term.  I like how it fits, too.  (And may take opportunity to use it!)

I like the tanka-esque quality of the poem.  Keep them coming!

 - Dave

[mikejewett]

On 6/13/2022 at 8:28 PM, tonyv said:

Welcome, Mike. I'm delighted that you've joined.

"The blue midday sun in your hair" is particularly striking and much to my liking. I'm also excited by the almost-sense of confusion I get as midday and night seem to conflict and coexist within the confines of this short poem. I get the same effect from the "thousands" of fireflies which, ostensibly, should light up the night like flames and embers roaring upward from a bonfire, yet their "silence" seems only to enhance the darkness, the blackness of night.

Excellent work. I'm looking forward to enjoying more of your poems.

Tony

Tony,

It's funny- I write without thought usually. But I also am always highly aware of every letter, word, line break, the overall shape of the poem, and the total take.

Until you mentioned it, I never realized the whole 'midday / night' dichotomy.

Again, I kind of write off the cuff. I feel like I should change it. I also feel like I shouldn't.

Is a poem ever really finished?

Thanks for your feedback, man.