Morenita Senryu

[tonyv]

Morenita

The rules were made
in dreams, your midnight hair
and games were played.

[badger11]

Quote

your midnight hair
and games were played.

lovely

Quote

The rules were made
in air, your midnight hair,
and games were played.

Just a thought

best

Phil

[JoelJosol]

I did not get the sense of the poem but I love its alliteration.

[tonyv]

Phil, thank you.

On 6/19/2022 at 2:53 AM, badger11 said:

The rules were made
in air, your midnight hair,
and games were played.

Very good point. I agree the poem needs something stronger than "in dreams," and what you've suggested has made me realize it needs something that rhymes with air/hair. I'll give it some more thought, and when/if I do make the change, I'll bump the topic.

Tony

[tonyv]

9 hours ago, JoelJosol said:

I did not get the sense of the poem but I love its alliteration.

Thank you, Joel. It's a bit obscure, I agree, but I'm glad the alliteration works.

Tony

[JoelJosol]

9 hours ago, tonyv said:

Thank you, Joel. It's a bit obscure, I agree, but I'm glad the alliteration works.

Tony

I hope I was right that it was pronounced in the sound of d's and r's.