Assaf1981 Posted October 22, 2022 Share Posted October 22, 2022 An angry snarl, A hulking beast! Hellfire shoots out At frightened pre-teens As they scatter, Screaming bloody murder! No matter what, Respect Mancubus’s cooking! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted October 22, 2022 Share Posted October 22, 2022 Oh My, This is beyond my world. Please indulge my old brain's quandering the imagery. I googled "Mancubus" and found a gurgling, snorting type of monster in video games which fits with the first two stanzas although I didn't see fire breathing or any reference to cooking. This might be a very personal observation, as families or work groups often assign fictional names to family or group members. A cook who prepares foods so hot that flames shoot from the mouth might be called "Glaurung" the fire breathing dragon from Tokien's Middle Earth. So with my total ignorance of video game characters, I read this poem with a smile and assume "Mom" is Mancubus. I really like the form your poem takes. Written in 3 unrhymed stanzas with the rhythm of normal speech, made up of a couplet, a quatrain and followed by a couplet. Beginning, content, and end. Nice and neat with an exclamatory last line. Only critique from me would be, I'm kind of missing a stronger connection between the first 2 stanzas and the last. This may have a target audience of which I am an outsider but I can appreciate the writing skill that went into the presentation. Well written `~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Assaf1981 Posted October 22, 2022 Author Share Posted October 22, 2022 27 minutes ago, Tinker said: Oh My, This is beyond my world. Please indulge my old brain's quandering the imagery. I googled "Mancubus" and found a gurgling, snorting type of monster in video games which fits with the first two stanzas although I didn't see fire breathing or any reference to cooking. This might be a very personal observation, as families or work groups often assign fictional names to family or group members. A cook who prepares foods so hot that flames shoot from the mouth might be called "Glaurung" the fire breathing dragon from Tokien's Middle Earth. So with my total ignorance of video game characters, I read this poem with a smile and assume "Mom" is Mancubus. I really like the form your poem takes. Written in 3 unrhymed stanzas with the rhythm of normal speech, made up of a couplet, a quatrain and followed by a couplet. Beginning, content, and end. Nice and neat with an exclamatory last line. Only critique from me would be, I'm kind of missing a stronger connection between the first 2 stanzas and the last. This may have a target audience of which I am an outsider but I can appreciate the writing skill that went into the presentation. Well written `~~Tink Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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