Assaf1981 Posted December 19, 2022 Share Posted December 19, 2022 A pretty Asian young and petite, in pigtails, Barefoot, And wearing a white Leotard, Down on the ground, Down on her stomach, Screaming, writhing, While, above her, A man looms, An older man! Older, muscular, Wearing blue pants Over yellow-and-black briefs Along with yellow boots, He looks back, He looks down, Leaning back, Tugging at her legs While keeping His butt hovering Over her spine. His jaguar mask Betrays a growl And hides a look Of confidence and disdain As he watches her Writhe and scream In intense agony, Pleading and weeping For him to release her while he continues to bend her backward in a manner most unnatural! . Meanwhile, Her legs threaten To snap in two, Along with her spine, As she continues to scream. She raises her hand, Preparing to bang On the wooden floor, Signifying her submission. Yet the question Lingers above Our heads? Once she submits, Will he release her Or torture her more? Perhaps he’ll tickle Her bare foot, Just to taunt her? That’s what you get For being so cheeky With your wrestling instructor! I should know, Because that girl Was my best friend And fellow student! And that, Dear reader, Is the story Behind this painting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
incantation Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 this is bizarre.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted December 26, 2022 Share Posted December 26, 2022 Assaf1981, the poem rocks, but you need to give us the painting. Give us the album art! As for that wrestling "instructor," we will need info, location, to establish jurisdiction. There are sources who suggest there will be renditions to Gitmo for such predators who will face military tribunals and executions. I'm talking bags over their heads and hangings by the neck until dead. That, or deaths by firing squad. Look, I don't know if it's true or a psyop-delusion, but I can't think of a better fate for child predators. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted January 1, 2023 Share Posted January 1, 2023 First: I share the sense of outrage at this event, the desire to see the perpetrator brought to justice. I fear you have witnessed and been traumatized by multiple violent crimes, my friend. Recovery is a journey. On technical grounds: There is a lot of telling, rather than showing, in the piece. And despite the line breaks, it is a bit prosy. Also, the poem loses urgency and strength through redundancies and unnecessary words and phrases. Examples include "intense agony" (what other kind is there?), "pleading and weeping", "a look / of confidence and disdain / as he watches her", etc. I recommend paring the poem down to half the number of words, maybe even a third, then see if there is material that should be brought back or displayed with greater originality. - Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.