Terry A Posted January 28, 2023 Share Posted January 28, 2023 Pallid, sallow sheets hang motionless nothing relieving monochrome In breaching white even ghosts have no shape to lingering eyes When miserable things those last claims of love litter but don’t bother anything real Snow patches rocky ground winter’s coat accompanies waiting boots by door Waiting/watching for weather telling The impasse cannot last. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted January 28, 2023 Share Posted January 28, 2023 It kills me, all of it, but this: 1 minute ago, Terry A said: The impasse cannot last. Not "this" impasse, but "the" impasse hits hard and makes it real. Thank you for this. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry A Posted January 28, 2023 Author Share Posted January 28, 2023 Thank you. I have read this forum for some time now, and just decided to join. I look forward to participating! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted January 28, 2023 Share Posted January 28, 2023 This is exceptional writing. I love this poem, and I'm thrilled that you've joined. Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted January 29, 2023 Share Posted January 29, 2023 On 1/28/2023 at 10:16 PM, Terry A said: Pallid, sallow sheets hang motionless nothing relieves monochrome In breaching white even ghosts have no shape to linger eyes When miserable things those last claims of love litter but don’t bother anything real Snow patches rocky ground winter’s coat accompanies waiting boots by door Wait and watch for weather tells The impasse cannot last. Enjoyed. Especially the end. The -ing can be an addictive chime for the writer, for transitions, so just offering options above. Welcome to the forum Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry A Posted January 30, 2023 Author Share Posted January 30, 2023 I will experiment with the-ing. Appreciate any comments for improvement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted February 3, 2023 Share Posted February 3, 2023 Hi Terry, So glad you are here and posting. Loved this piece and the title was my first draw. I can so relate living on the Pacific Coast. Often morning fog here is light and misty and welcoming. But then there are mornings that are socked in. Wrapping me in a cocoon and daring me to creep out into its density. " motionless nothing relieving monochrome In breaching white even ghosts have no shape to lingering eyes" This imagery is so telling. I really enjoyed reading this poem and look forward to moving forward to the next. ~~Tink PS Technical Note: you can tighten the appearance of your lines merely by holding down the shift key and hitting return or enter. Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry A Posted February 5, 2023 Author Share Posted February 5, 2023 Thank you for all your comments. And oh my, you are one perceptive lady.....I was wondering how to correct the line spaces as I did not intend the spread-out that happened when I copied and pasted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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