tonyv Posted February 12, 2023 Share Posted February 12, 2023 Fireside There's no one at the pit tonight. Her tatted lips and barren womb wax so exciting; that, I know. She won't come easily, alright. Her mama say, "Your mama what?" And la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ja. Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted February 12, 2023 Share Posted February 12, 2023 Lovely Tony. Very evocative 1 Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted February 12, 2023 Share Posted February 12, 2023 The imagery and alliteration of this line "Those tatted lips and barren womb" 1 Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted February 12, 2023 Author Share Posted February 12, 2023 Juris and Joel, Thank you both for your kind replies. I'll probably hide this a little later today, let it sit for some time, and revisit it later. I can't say I'm completely satisfied with it. Sometimes I get excited and pull the trigger too soon. 🫢 Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry A Posted February 12, 2023 Share Posted February 12, 2023 The poem has vitality but I think it needs a little more fleshing out. As it is, it does feel unfinished, like a cake unbaked to over-all meaning. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted February 12, 2023 Author Share Posted February 12, 2023 Thank you, Terry. Yes, half-baked is what I was going to say myself lol. It’ll disappear shortly. I just wanted to thank you first. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted December 23, 2023 Author Share Posted December 23, 2023 I posted this a while back, and even though I got some nice replies from treasured members, I hid it. I've tweaked it ever so slightly since then (see the edited topic above and compare it to the original below). It's nothing much, but it's all I've got. I can't always match the music (music affects each of us in complex ways), but I try. No matter. Merry Christmas, everyone. Turn up the music. Barbary - No Matter (original mix) (original) Fireside There's no one at the pit tonight. Those tatted lips and barren womb are so exciting; that, I know. You won't come easily, alright. Your mama say, your mama what? And la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ja. Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted December 24, 2023 Share Posted December 24, 2023 And I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight, "Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Blessings, - Dave 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted December 30, 2023 Share Posted December 30, 2023 Hey Tony, I'm back, at least for a few minutes, trying to catch up, it may take me a few days. Why is it your writing always challenges me? This one is gritty yet seems kind of flippant at the end. I must be missing something. "tatted lips and barren womb" raw and gritty, then "who's your mama?" La la la . . . Wow, I don't know what to feel. You are doing better than me, I haven't written in a while. Gotta get back to it. Happy New Year! ~~Judi Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted January 1 Author Share Posted January 1 On 12/30/2023 at 6:04 PM, Tinker said: Hey Tony, I'm back, at least for a few minutes, trying to catch up, it may take me a few days. I’ll never catch up. 😐 On 12/30/2023 at 6:04 PM, Tinker said: Why is it your writing always challenges me? Because it’s not very good lol. On 12/30/2023 at 6:04 PM, Tinker said: You are doing better than me, I haven't written in a while. I haven’t either. I posted this a while back, then hid it. Recently, I made a couple of simplistic changes (e.g. “are” to “wax”) and reposted it. Pretty bad, I know. Thanks, as always, for your kind reply. Happy New Year! Tony 1 Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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