Fireside (edited)

[tonyv]

   

                  Fireside

There's no one at the pit tonight.
Her tatted lips and barren womb
wax so exciting; that, I know.
She won't come easily, alright.
Her mama say, "Your mama what?"
And la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ja.

[dr_con]

Lovely Tony. Very evocative

[JoelJosol]

The imagery and alliteration of this line

"Those tatted lips and barren womb"

[tonyv]

Juris and Joel,

Thank you both for your kind replies. I'll probably hide this a little later today, let it sit for some time, and revisit it later. I can't say I'm completely satisfied with it. Sometimes I get excited and pull the trigger too soon. 🫢

Tony

[Terry A]

The poem has vitality but I think it needs a little more fleshing out. As it is, it does feel unfinished, like a cake unbaked to over-all meaning.

[tonyv]

Thank you, Terry. Yes, half-baked is what I was going to say myself lol. It’ll disappear shortly. I just wanted to thank you first. 

Tony

[tonyv]

I posted this a while back, and even though I got some nice replies from treasured members, I hid it. I've tweaked it ever so slightly since then (see the edited topic above and compare it to the original below). It's nothing much, but it's all I've got. I can't always match the music (music affects each of us in complex ways), but I try.

No matter. Merry Christmas, everyone. Turn up the music.

 

Barbary - No Matter (original mix)

 

 

(original)

Fireside

There's no one at the pit tonight.
Those tatted lips and barren womb
are so exciting; that, I know.
You won't come easily, alright.
Your mama say, your mama what?
And la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ja.

[David W. Parsley]

And I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!"

Blessings,
- Dave

[Tinker]

Hey Tony,  I'm back, at least for a few minutes, trying to catch up, it may take me a few days.  Why is it your writing always challenges me?  This one is gritty yet seems kind of flippant at the end.  I must be missing something.  "tatted lips and barren womb" raw and gritty, then "who's your mama?" La la la . . .  Wow,  I don't know what to feel.

You are doing better than me, I haven't written in a while.  Gotta get back to it.   Happy New Year!

~~Judi

[tonyv]

On 12/30/2023 at 6:04 PM, Tinker said:

Hey Tony,  I'm back, at least for a few minutes, trying to catch up, it may take me a few days.

I’ll never catch up. 😐

On 12/30/2023 at 6:04 PM, Tinker said:

Why is it your writing always challenges me?

Because it’s not very good lol. 

On 12/30/2023 at 6:04 PM, Tinker said:

You are doing better than me, I haven't written in a while.

I haven’t either. I posted this a while back, then hid it. Recently, I made a couple of simplistic changes (e.g. “are” to “wax”) and reposted it. Pretty bad, I know. 

Thanks, as always, for your kind reply. Happy New Year!

Tony