Assaf1981 Posted April 13, 2023 Share Posted April 13, 2023 In this very place, It is always sunny, Yet we sweat not, For it refreshes us, Never burning our skins, Keeping us all warm. In this very place, It is always daylight, There is no night, And therefore nothing unpleasant Or creepy lurks here. In this very place, There’s a beautiful park With lovely trees And lovely flowers; Full of singing birds, Full of laughing children, Full of joyful adults, And full of animals Of many different species, Co-existing with each other- All predatory instincts suppressed. In this very place, You’ll meet All sorts Of people: From relatives You’ve seen And heard Little about, To people That you’ve Read about In books Of some nature. In this very place, Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, Whether male or female, From white to black To Asian and aboriginal, Wears a long, Flowing white robe. In this very place, All the buildings Are made of Pure, shiny gold- From the streets To the mansions, Which all The citizens Of this Beautiful city Dwell in, And even the Great throne itself, Which’s located in the city square. In this very place, Harps play twenty-four hours A day, Glorifying the One who Rules this Very place, While musicians Sing hallelujahs All the while! In this very place, The planet earth, Is literally visible And you can Look upon it All day. As it Rotates on Its axis! How fascinating! What a Beautiful sight! In this very place, Everybody’s always smiling, With glazed-over eyes, Full of gaiety, And you’ll never Find a single One of them That is sick, Or is sad, Or is angry, Or in agony; No, only happiness And peace Dwell here! In this very place, You’ll see some truly Incredible sights; yes, indeed! One such sight You will see Are troops of Tall, winged men Walking and flying, Illuminated by haloes, Greeting the citizens And protecting the City from Outside influences! In this very place, You’ll meet a man With a long beard And semitic-looking features, That’s larger than life- Clad in a long, Flowing white, shining robe; radiating bright light As love pours from His very being. In this very place, You’ll find no death, Nor sickness, nor anger, Nor pain and suffering, Nor crime Or any Kind of vice. In this very place, You will come face-to-face with eternity, where nothing ever changes! In this very place, You’ll have no novels, Nor sports, nor pets, Nor adventures Of any kind, Nor movies, Nor television, Nor video games, Nor any other Vain, worldly activities; Oh, no, no no! Just non-stop hallelujahs, And endless holiness! In this very place Dwells something Men call Eternal bliss! In this very place, The routine never changes. It’s like the day Never, ever moves forward; Being stuck in the Same moment in time, For eternity upon eternity! So here, you’ll face Eternal monotony and boredom! This very place Is known To mankind as ‘Heaven’. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted April 16, 2023 Share Posted April 16, 2023 Hi Assaf, I see that you have fleshed this out quite a bit, sometime to advantage, sometimes perhaps not. I like the subtle introduction of angelic beings, not actually calling them so. But some of the energy present in your original is actually bogged down by further explication for this reader, blunting the edge of irony. And the last line of the penultimate stanza steps into the trap of telling rather than showing, for this reader. The bit irony lost for me in this blatant banality. Just My Thoughts, - David Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.