Eternal Bliss (Rewritten)

[Assaf1981]

In this very place,

It is always sunny,

Yet we sweat not,

For it refreshes us,

Never burning our skins,

Keeping us all warm.

 

In this very place,

It is always daylight,

There is no night,

And therefore

nothing unpleasant

Or creepy

lurks here.

 

In this very place,

There’s a beautiful park

With lovely trees

And lovely flowers;

Full of singing birds,

Full of laughing children,

Full of joyful adults,

And full of animals

Of many different species,

Co-existing with each other-

All predatory instincts suppressed.

 

In this very place,

You’ll meet

All sorts

Of people:

From relatives

You’ve seen

And heard

Little about,

To people

That you’ve

Read about

In books

Of some nature.

 

In this very place,

Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE,

Whether male or female,

From white to black

To Asian and aboriginal,

Wears a long,

Flowing white robe.

 

In this very place,

All the buildings

Are made of

Pure, shiny gold-

From the streets

To the mansions,

Which all

The citizens

Of this

Beautiful city

Dwell in,

And even the

Great throne itself,

Which’s located in

the city square.

 

In this very place,

Harps play

twenty-four hours

A day,

Glorifying the

One who

Rules this

Very place,

While musicians

Sing hallelujahs

All the while!

 

In this very place,

The planet earth,

Is literally visible

And you can

Look upon it

All day.

As it

Rotates on

Its axis!

How fascinating!

What a

Beautiful sight!

 

In this very place,

Everybody’s always smiling,

With glazed-over eyes,

Full of gaiety,

And you’ll never

Find a single

One of them

That is sick,

Or is sad,

Or is angry,

Or in agony;

No, only happiness

And peace

Dwell here!

 

In this very place,

You’ll see some truly

Incredible sights; yes, indeed!

One such sight

You will see

Are troops of

Tall, winged men

Walking and flying,

Illuminated by haloes,

Greeting the citizens

And protecting the

City from

Outside influences!

 

In this very place,

You’ll meet a man

With a long beard

And semitic-looking features,

That’s larger than life-

Clad in a long,

Flowing white, shining robe;

radiating bright light

As love pours from

His very being.

 

In this very place,

You’ll find no death,

Nor sickness, nor anger,

Nor pain and suffering,

Nor crime

Or any

Kind of vice.

 

In this very place,

You will come

face-to-face with eternity,

where nothing

ever changes!

 

In this very place,

You’ll have no novels,

Nor sports, nor pets,

Nor adventures

Of any kind,

Nor movies,

Nor television,

Nor video games,

Nor any other

Vain, worldly activities;

Oh, no, no no!

Just non-stop hallelujahs,

And endless holiness!

 

In this very place

Dwells something

Men call

Eternal bliss!

 

In this very place,

The routine never changes.

It’s like the day

Never, ever moves forward;

Being stuck in the

Same moment in time,

For eternity upon eternity!

So here, you’ll face

Eternal monotony and boredom!

 

This very place

Is known

To mankind as

‘Heaven’.

[David W. Parsley]

Hi Assaf, I see that you have fleshed this out quite a bit, sometime to advantage, sometimes perhaps not.  I like the subtle introduction of angelic beings, not actually calling them so.  But some of the energy present in your original is actually bogged down by further explication for this reader, blunting the edge of irony.  And the last line of the penultimate stanza steps into the trap of telling rather than showing, for this reader.  The bit irony lost for me in this blatant banality.

Just My Thoughts,
- David