Would appreciate some feedback on my latest poem

[Assaf1981]

see there,

my dear

art lover;

a portrait

of an

older woman,

her age

placed somewhere

between her

late forties

to her

early fifties;

but yet,

she's not

just any

typical woman!

oh, no!

 

For behold:

She’s bespectacled;

her hair

covered by

a white

hanging veil,

wearing a

plain, unadorned

beige blouse

and a

long, flowing,

dark blue

skirt that

reaches down

to her

bare feet,

and a

black belt

that comes

equipped with

a small

pouch that

carries a

small, thick

black book,

much like

the saints

of old

in the

ancient levant.

 

behold the look

on her face:

oh, so calm,

oh, so serene,

but do not

be fooled by

such an appearance,

for she can

be tough when

she's gotta be.

 

 

behold her quarterstaff;

behold how she

holds it at

the ready;

 

ready to fight,

ready to strike,

ready and

willing to

defend her

faith, family,

home, and

fellow humans!

 

behold those two rings,

two green spectral rings,

hovering above her head,

what are those things?

are they the eyes

of a friend

sent by her

Lord and Saviour

to guide her

and those

like her,

or are they

the eyes of

a supernatural foe,

the likes of

which she is

sworn to fight?

 

If it's the latter,

then they'd best beware;

for the power of prayer

and the skills of

a long, thick quarterstaff

can turn unfavourable conditions

to her favour

within a moment.

 

[tonyv]

Assaf1981, this was a pleasurable read in your inimitable style. Lets start with the "likes":

1. The first twelve lines got my attention.

On 4/16/2023 at 8:05 PM, Assaf1981 said:

see there,

my dear

art lover;

a portrait

of an

older woman,

her age

placed somewhere

between her

late forties

to her

early fifties

An age group that I like -- intriguing! And the poem is off to a musical start.

2. In the second stanza, remarkable is the mention of

On 4/16/2023 at 8:05 PM, Assaf1981 said:

the saints

of old

in the

ancient levant

 

Now, for a few gripes, but it's hard to even call them dislikes, because they're so minor:

1. In stanza 3, I would prefer the last three lines to read

On 4/16/2023 at 8:05 PM, Assaf1981 said:

for she can

be tough when

she has to be.

[emphasis mine]

Not that I don't say stuff like what you have written all the time, I just think it reads better like this.

2. It's probably just from hasty copying and pasting, but it's irritating that the font got smaller partly through the poem. I would prefer it to be all one size, probably the larger size you use in the first stanza.

Tony