And at Winters Last

[Terry A]

Algae running streams green
fluorescent in moon light
curling beams in shadowy life
evening waning to night.  Golden
sunflowers are rising from darkish nest;
the long cold and I so un sunned
languishing among the positive thinkers
riding their pale ways of winter dreams.
The coolish air raising hair on arm 
in tingle of a changing season. A smile
as the geese return. Such a sight of air and wing, 
enticing the waking green
               to finger its way to light.

[Tinker]

Hi Terry,  I love your title, it kind of gives me a Game of Thrones vibe.   This is a beautiful change of season winter to spring piece.  Usually this genre centers of the brightness of spring yet yours kind of lingers in the shadows of winter.   I loved

On 5/5/2023 at 7:02 AM, Terry A said:

the long cold and I so un sunned

"un sunned", Wow, aren't we all?   Spring came on time this year in my part of the world but this last week was set back to rainy days and it's still a little gloom out there but the Iris boldly remind me, spring has fully arrived, blue skies will be back. 
 

 

On 5/5/2023 at 7:02 AM, Terry A said:

The coolish air raising hair on arm 
in tingle of a changing season.

And here you feel the cold but it is in anticipation of warmer days.  

I really enjoyed reading this,  it fits with my mood today.  

~~Judi

[badger11]

On 5/5/2023 at 3:02 PM, Terry A said:

 

Algae will run streams green,
fluorescent in moon light;
beams curl in shadowy life,
evening waning to night.  Golden
sunflowers are rising from darkish nest;
the long cold and I, so unsunned,
languish among the positive thinkers
riding their pale ways of winter.
The cooling air raises hair on arms
in tingle of a changing season. A smile
as the geese return. Such a sight of air and wing, 
entices the waking green
               to finger its way to light.

Like the mood of the piece Terry. I've rolled a few suggestions your way, totally subjective (my ear bias against the -ing chimes). Like the release of line format to end.

Hope that helps some

Phil

[Terry A]

Judi, thanks for your comments. Many towns have been evacuated because of grass fires accompanying the arrival of spring. It's rain that makes all the difference and there has been at last some. The sun has been very active, that usually means some uncomfortably hot days and unseasonable for this time of year. Ha, Canadians and weather, we all ride those tides because of the extremes.

Phil, yes! the -ing- I will examine that more closely, as this is the second time you've mentioned it. I garden right now, rather I am gardening to extreme this time of year, our short season gathers all resource with a kind of insistence not easily ignored. The cost of food jumps weekly and rumours of impending shortages add some motivation to it all. It is not the time to take anything for granted, though sometimes I would like to. "Climate-change" people ignore the role the sun plays, that is the clue to pay more attention to it. Plus they graph weather on such short time-frames, it is more difficult now to find records of sufficient time-length to make determinations not agenda-based. Riding the weather of our times, that's Canada and sadly lacking in the great leadership so necessary to steer wisely. One reason I like the metaphysical poetry (which you largely write), for we are not now so well-defined by the latest headlines of mainstream news.

[David W. Parsley]

Hi Terry, I particularly like the final five lines, nice surge of breathlessness to close.  Count me among those who find the -ing sounds too jangly.  Would also recommend pruning redundancies and unnecessary adjectives like "golden."  I like the feel of this poem.

Best,
 - David

P.S.  The "positive thinkers" intrude on the poem unexpectedly and actually disturb the narrative for this reader.  I recommend evicting them or housing them by adding a few deft details to make their presence more organic to the whole.

[Terry A]

Yes, should change. I am lazy and would often sooner throw poems into my insentient garbage can than revise. The moment passes.

David, I shall endeavour to treat your suggestions with the respect they deserve and actually do some work.  "Positive thinkers" is too abrupt for the poem, I'll think about what change might be more in keeping with the rest of the poem. Thanks.