Terry A Posted July 2, 2023 Share Posted July 2, 2023 Small talk about end you know when then faith acts with certainty some smidgeon of hope tiny moments kindness some generosity even the fleas of comfort berating pessimism with its ravaged face unwashed by joy. The sky becoming grey the bird ashen caught hanging in air as though waiting through drought of reason to find a different way. ........when every warm thing given was covered in dry ice off gassing when exposed to air. Yes, love spoke but loss spoke more eloquently Plans scattered so haphazardly and not even one close enough to grasp. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted July 3, 2023 Share Posted July 3, 2023 I can feel those 'fleas of comfort'. Great use of berating in the context. The S1 traffics tightly with diminutives. I like the personification of unwashed pessimism. Joy is a cleansing restorative. The ashen bird, in my mind, was a counter to the phoenix. reason had an echo of season, clearly not spring. Perhaps you could use 'wintered' rather than 'waiting'? Bw Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omar Posted July 3, 2023 Share Posted July 3, 2023 13 hours ago, Terry A said: The sky becoming grey the bird ashen caught hanging in air as though waiting through drought of reason to find a different way. Love this. 13 hours ago, Terry A said: even the fleas of comfort berating pessimism Wow, what an image! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry A Posted July 3, 2023 Author Share Posted July 3, 2023 Thanks Omar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry A Posted July 3, 2023 Author Share Posted July 3, 2023 Revision posted here (though it's not quite the right place). Thanks Phil! Small talk about end you know when then faith acts with certainty and some smidgeon of hope tiny moments kindness some generosity even the fleas of comfort berating pessimism with its ravaged face unwashed by joy. The sky becoming grey the bird ashen caught hanging in air as though wintering through frost of reason to find a different way ………when every warm thing given was covered in dry ice off gassing when exposed to air. Yes, love spoke but loss spoke more eloquently Lifelines thrown so haphazardly and not even one close enough to grasp. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted December 30, 2023 Share Posted December 30, 2023 Hi Terry, First of all, I think we are all in agreement, "fleas of comfort" is genius. Yes, The original was excellent and then you improved on excellence. Isn't it nice, just a little suggestion from a friend can make us better? And Badge is one worth listening to. This flows fluidly. It hurt when I read, "love spoke but loss spoke more eloquently" You know it's good when it touches you. ~~Judi Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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