Blind

[incantation]

Two singers in different dreams
Attempt to wake sleepers,
Do songs match. Which tears of time weigh More those
Falling from the artist or
Soldier of war.
Shadows on ships 
On Greek water, lyric songs carried
Across waves. Stories on
Land in oral form. Homer held
Storm between his 
Hands to reap it's excavation and
To see his sleeping form
In a dream, his face reflected
In the tears of time-he whispered
Stories. Did the closed eyes
Of Zeus reveal themselves
In the winds blowing in from
The sea to a blind story
Teller, wings without shadows.
Route to Leda's shifting
Form, Greece Homer's Queen.
Hidden knowledge of Hellenistic
Astronomical theory.

[Terry A]

Such an interesting and inspiring poem, one which brings history alive in the best possible way, the most poetic way. Facts, details matter but here, you capture the spirit and make it shareable. A quite remarkable achievement/poem.

Amidst all the terrible news in these times, you give the human struggle nobility; and that is comforting. For perhaps humanity will someday be more than the sum of all its failures. 

Thought-rich, intense with substance - the achievement of this poem; and the only way free verse can be more than the general flood of mediocrity contemplating navel-lint.

I would leave out the words 'Do songs match'., because you immediately follow with 'which tears of time weigh more...' 

[David W. Parsley]

Hi Barry, agree with what Terry says above.  I also recommend re-thinking "tears of time" which has become over-used.  (Stretch your imagination to try something more like, "... face reflected in water shed by the eyes of time...")  And I have to mention my usual complaint of repeated words in the poem (and across other pieces), but what do I know?

I find the final couplet disturbing to the glow of the rest of the piece, largely because it is a judgement phrase and also a summary phrase.  Much of the poem's supple, mythic power dissipates in this sentence.

I'll also take this opportunity to quarrel with the scholarly roots of Homer's presumed blindness, which seems to hinge completely upon the description of a blind bard who appears in The Odyssey.  This thoroughly specious leap of logic ignores the abundance of highly visual metaphors and conceits in his great epics, difficult to ascribe to a blind person outside the realm of fantasy.  It is also blithely oblivious to the fact that such a reference to himself would not be well received by audiences of the day.  I consider it much more likely that the episode refers to a beloved mentor, or even a colleague, to whom Homer felt a deeply respectful attachment.

Sorry to take your evocative piece as an occasion to discuss this point of scholarship.  It is a lovely thing that repeatedly asserts the blind poet Sees in ways that most cannot, communes through senses impossible to name with forces beyond the ken but not the inkling of appreciative readers.

Thank You,
 - David

[incantation]

Hi David...I am writing poetry 
No one is going to read beyond 
These forums...I enter contests
And don't win...live in a backwater 
In the north of England 
Where nothing happens.. writing 
Really is starting to feel like p******
In the wind...

[Terry A]

It is sad to see such despair coming from a gifted poet with talent. I am guessing that it comes down to whatever you think writing poetry might provide you as a vehicle in the world. Begin to examine closely what poems are winning those contests and you might find the motives behind their promotion. That might be less than encouraging, but at least attune you to the fashions of the times and so much of the intrique behind them.

I can only say, persistence in the full belief that what you are doing is significant has to be enough to persist.  Other-wise more "fulfilling" choices might have to be made.

Thomas Hardy once said he wrote his novels so that he could eventually focus on his first interest- poetry. Whatever, poetry doesn't promise fame, recognition or monetary return. As in all arts, the love of it is the only enduring fuel. And only history will judge that wisely.

 

[Poemme]

Hi, I’ve only just joined this site. Your poem is the first I’ve read here. Like yourself I like rooting around in history and this particular age is a rich source with so much to play with. I don’t know how old you are but with anything to do with the arts there’s always this doubt and quite often sense of defeat. In some ways it means you’re pushing against your own boundaries. You could adapt and find your place in contests but your poetry is not something to be moulded by outside ideas of success. I’ve come here to share and have others critique my work. I wouldn’t put up anything I’m not happy with but I also know we love our work so much we might be blind to some weakness, like we are with our own children.
There is something beautiful about your poem and I’ll look up your other work.

All that aside I was wondering about your line breaks and why you chose them?