Assaf1981 Posted April 15 Share Posted April 15 Such lovely ladies, All of them! Such lovely ladies: Some teenagers, Some adults, Some middle-aged, some elderly. Such lovely ladies: Some fair-skinned, Some dark-skinned, some oriental. Such lovely ladies: Some wear short skirts, Some wear pants, Some wear shorts, Some wear swimsuits, some wear long, flowing robes. Such lovely ladies; Spectral, walking through thick mists, in single file, entranced, Towards a well, Bearing water-filled buckets Buckets that leak, Unnoticed. Such lovely ladies; Pouring empty buckets Into the well, Chanting monotonously; “We cannot rest until we fill the well!” Such lovely ladies; Returning through the mist, Filling their buckets- For eternity! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted yesterday at 09:55 PM Share Posted yesterday at 09:55 PM Imaginative use of image and symbol, Assaf. IMHO, the whole thing could be distilled with greater immediacy and power by retaining only the two penultimate stanzas, removing the single lines, "entranced," and "Spectral,". On 4/14/2024 at 8:03 PM, Assaf1981 said: ... Such lovely ladies; Spectral, walking through thick mists, in single file, entranced, Towards a well, Bearing water-filled buckets Buckets that leak, Unnoticed. Such lovely ladies; Pouring empty buckets Into the well, Chanting monotonously; “We cannot rest until we fill the well!” ... Just a thought. Could also try "as they chant" instead of "chanting". Cheers, - David Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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