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Poetry Magnum Opus

Lovely Ladies


Assaf1981

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Assaf1981

Such lovely ladies,

All of them!

 

Such lovely ladies:

Some teenagers,

Some adults,

Some middle-aged,

some elderly.

 

Such lovely ladies:

Some fair-skinned,

Some dark-skinned,

some oriental.

 

Such lovely ladies:

Some wear short skirts,

Some wear pants,

Some wear shorts,

Some wear swimsuits,

some wear long, flowing robes.

 

Such lovely ladies;

Spectral,

walking through thick mists,

in single file,

entranced,

Towards a well,

Bearing water-filled buckets

Buckets that leak,

Unnoticed.

 

Such lovely ladies;

Pouring empty buckets

Into the well,

Chanting monotonously;

“We cannot rest until we fill the well!”

 

Such lovely ladies;

Returning through the mist,

Filling their buckets-

For eternity!

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  • 2 weeks later...
David W. Parsley

Imaginative use of image and symbol, Assaf.  IMHO, the whole thing could be distilled with greater immediacy and power by retaining only the two penultimate stanzas, removing the single lines, "entranced," and "Spectral,".

On 4/14/2024 at 8:03 PM, Assaf1981 said:

 ...

Such lovely ladies;

Spectral,

walking through thick mists,

in single file,

entranced,

 

Towards a well,

Bearing water-filled buckets

Buckets that leak,

Unnoticed.

 

Such lovely ladies;

Pouring empty buckets

Into the well,

Chanting monotonously;

“We cannot rest until we fill the well!”

 ...

Just a thought.  Could also try "as they chant" instead of "chanting".

Cheers,
 - David

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  • 3 weeks later...
James Albert Barr

I'm all about celebrating the ladies! Even under rather lowly and servile conditions of necessity. Cheers!  

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