Poemme Posted May 21 Share Posted May 21 This part of town the cold damp rooms where the migrants live mother father kids thin curtain keeping out the cold. Late at night the snow came down the staggering drunk didn’t even see me I thought he was a ghost something terrible in the night something inside me coming out of the alley. It’s the cold that strips you to the bone and your footsteps on the road that really scare you. I don’t know where the drunk was headed down the slippery hill to four spirit corner like the methos that bailed me up for the price of a bus to the hospital. I saw them in the library sitting in the sun coming through the windows then outside out of the wind layers of stinking clothes keeping them warm. You can live a life like that hour to hour day to day until you come staggering out of a dark alley in the cold dead of night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted May 24 Share Posted May 24 On 5/21/2024 at 5:00 AM, Poemme said: Late at night the snow comes down the staggering drunk doesn't even see me maybe he is a ghost something terrible in the night something inside me coming out of the alley. It’s the cold that strips you to the bone and your footsteps on the road that really scare you. I don’t know where the drunk is headed down the slippery hill to four spirit corner like the methos that bails me up for the price of a bus to the hospital. I see them in the library sitting in the sun coming through the windows then outside out of the wind layers of stinking clothes pretending warmth. You can live a life like that hour to hour day to day until you come staggering out of a dark alley in the cold dead of night. Just some suggestions P., for immediacy. I particularly liked the inside/outside nature of the ghost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Albert Barr Posted May 31 Share Posted May 31 You've definitely captured the sense of desolation and dispossession of hopeless inebriation, being poor and having little to nothing in a literally cold and uncaring world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poemme Posted May 31 Author Share Posted May 31 Thanks for reading and commenting. There are some bleak places out there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poemme Posted May 31 Author Share Posted May 31 On 5/24/2024 at 3:27 PM, badger11 said: Just some suggestions P., for immediacy. I particularly liked the inside/outside nature of the ghost. I just reread your comment. It’s an odd thing, but I don’t experience “came down” as the past, even though I know it’s grammatically correct. I’d be interested to know what others think . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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