In the Can’t Stand it Anymore He Jumps

[Terry A]

Now in the wall of green spring comes
a tidal wave only somewhat the same
as before.

Like a grasshopper he jumps
shifts anchor but the dew on his feet
dries in topor.  The beguile of escape

His life line shaking like a leaf
in years rattling a snake’s tail
The deaf and dumb
of discontent riding his back.
A whale swallowing.

 

[badger11]

There are a lot of impressions packed into this T.

I enjoyed. The use of 'beguile', the 'deaf and dumb of discontent', the grasshopper analogy. Like the creativity of the write.

Felt the restlessness. The sense of inescapable.

 

[Poemme]

This is a very surrealistic read. Nice combination of images and words. I like brevity as well.

”His life line shaking like a leaf
in years rattling a snake’s tail”

Do you mean rattling like a snake’s tail or causing the rattling? Also is that meant to be “torpor” because I can’t find a word like “topor”?

 

[Terry A]

‘rattling the snake’s tail’- filled with warnings. A poem about someone who keeps doing the same thing, thinking outcome will be different each time, oblivious to the real motivation fuelling action. Wasn’t happy with the word ‘topor’  (some sites said the spelling was acceptable as used) I will change it to ‘stupor’, which fits better anyway. Thanks for the notes Poemme.

Thanks Badger. After a brief hiatus, just warming up the poetry writing again. Your poem concerning Winston was an inspiration on how to say something powerful without becoming excruciatingly mundane. And your Winston had the rat in his mouth, a real triumph over Orwell.

[Tinker]

Yum, I really enjoyed this Terry.   Nice to see you return, maybe the nudge I too need to try my hand at writing again.  I failed miserably in" a poem a day" in April.  Your extended metaphor works.  I wish I was better at that. Just a little jealousy here.  

Thanks for this,  ~~ Judi

[Terry A]

Good to see you Judi, thanks for stopping in. The trick with extended metaphor is just to start with an insight and then let gather naturally around it anything that expands or deepens the one idea.

Perhaps, don't look at it as "trying your hand", just write everyday, without rules or predetermined ends. It's a way to encourage flow.

[Poemme]

4 minutes ago, Terry A said:

Good to see you Judi, thanks for stopping in. The trick with extended metaphor is just to start with an insight and then let gather naturally around it anything that expands or deepens the one idea.

Perhaps, don't look at it as "trying your hand", just write everyday, without rules or predetermined ends. It's a way to encourage flow.

Sound advice.