Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus

Walking Close to Ground


Terry A

Recommended Posts

Terry A

Plates the geologist says

we reside on plates floating

holding together

Some grace-like glue

tending some active veins

pulsing       Some faults

dozing, teasing 

every so often

shaking complaisance

The Hands of God

waiting waiting waiting……….

 

The antlered deer walking by

Magnificent no matter the time

Where duration is not certain

…………He is still poised

to be as a stone thrown

skipping across the waters.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

badger11
12 hours ago, Terry A said:

 

Plates the geologist says

we reside on plates floating

holding together

Some grace-like glue

tending some active veins

pulsing       Some faults

dozing, teasing 

every so often

shaking complaisance

 

The antlered deer walking by

Magnificent no matter the time

Where duration is not certain

…………He is still poised

to be as a stone thrown

skipping across the waters.

 

 

Like it T. The image of the deer delivers an illuminating triumph over the impending or perhaps a masculine arrogance strutting!

Personally I feel the poem is cleaner without the God baggage.

complaisance... Interesting word choice, perhaps denotes gender difference. How time is 'lived' with weight or light.

Like the coupling of floating/faults.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Terry A

Gender? I guess the "antlered deer" signifies that. The poem is perhaps too skeletal to direct meaning well. How about I make the geologist a she?

 

Plates the geologist she says

we reside on plates floating

holding together

Some grace-like glue

tending some active veins

pulsing         Some faults

dozing, teasing 

every so often

the drift of fate tingling

commingling fate

with waiting………

 

 etc. etc. But now it's a different poem.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

badger11

I prefer the implied gender distinctions in the original Terry. I wouldn't tinker with this poem too much.

 

The Furies are

waiting waiting waiting...

 

 

Just a thought. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Terry A

How about

"The Hands of Fate"

which is a tad conventional, un poetic but perhaps less grandiose.

"Hands of God" is what some call Dr. Norman Bergrun's  large objects seen in the rings of Saturn, in his Book 'Ringmaker's of Saturn'.

 

No furies here. 

Thanks P for your comments!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

David W. Parsley

An interesting treatment, Terry.  I like the image of the bounding deer, skipping above the premonitory rumblings like a flat stone, emblemizing an "arrogant" inclination to disdain the eventual cataclysm.  

Thanks for explaining your use of the "Hands of God."  As a technical term, rather than a personification, it is appropriately grand, but obscure to all but those familiar with the work of Bergrun.  Might I suggest an expansion to clarify?  Something like, "Hands of God from Saturn's rings", except better, perhaps requiring an extra line.

Best,
- David

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Terry A

The poem perhaps paces (a little too liberally) between the literal and the figurative.  If you have ever seen a deer bound gracefully, one never thinks of arrogance but of how light it appears, as though gravity has no effect on motion. But yes, the poem would be better if a little more detail was given.  I left "Hands of God' the way stated so that the reader could provide their own reference for what the words meant, but 'god baggage' as Phil suggested clearly showed there was room for more detail.

I think the planet Earth has consciousness, that it is touched by the Divine and we, its souled creatures have responsibility towards that. And that major event is never as happenstance as scientific materialists insist. The objects Dr. Bergrun reveals, have now been seen around the sun, some think managing the solar flares that could decimate the Earth if left to usual randomness of likelihood. What else could they be then, but a Hand of God, allowing life on Earth to survive. But that takes a certain amount of "spiritual" consideration in regards to our connection with what's out there. 

But the poem is hardly all of what is stated above. So room for improvement for sure. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.