Terry A Posted June 23 Share Posted June 23 Plates the geologist says we reside on plates floating holding together Some grace-like glue tending some active veins pulsing Some faults dozing, teasing every so often shaking complaisance The Hands of God waiting waiting waiting………. The antlered deer walking by Magnificent no matter the time Where duration is not certain …………He is still poised to be as a stone thrown skipping across the waters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted June 24 Share Posted June 24 12 hours ago, Terry A said: Plates the geologist says we reside on plates floating holding together Some grace-like glue tending some active veins pulsing Some faults dozing, teasing every so often shaking complaisance The antlered deer walking by Magnificent no matter the time Where duration is not certain …………He is still poised to be as a stone thrown skipping across the waters. Like it T. The image of the deer delivers an illuminating triumph over the impending or perhaps a masculine arrogance strutting! Personally I feel the poem is cleaner without the God baggage. complaisance... Interesting word choice, perhaps denotes gender difference. How time is 'lived' with weight or light. Like the coupling of floating/faults. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry A Posted June 24 Author Share Posted June 24 Gender? I guess the "antlered deer" signifies that. The poem is perhaps too skeletal to direct meaning well. How about I make the geologist a she? Plates the geologist she says we reside on plates floating holding together Some grace-like glue tending some active veins pulsing Some faults dozing, teasing every so often the drift of fate tingling commingling fate with waiting……… etc. etc. But now it's a different poem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted June 24 Share Posted June 24 I prefer the implied gender distinctions in the original Terry. I wouldn't tinker with this poem too much. The Furies are waiting waiting waiting... Just a thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry A Posted June 24 Author Share Posted June 24 How about "The Hands of Fate" which is a tad conventional, un poetic but perhaps less grandiose. "Hands of God" is what some call Dr. Norman Bergrun's large objects seen in the rings of Saturn, in his Book 'Ringmaker's of Saturn'. No furies here. Thanks P for your comments! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted June 24 Share Posted June 24 Go with your gut feeling Terry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted June 29 Share Posted June 29 An interesting treatment, Terry. I like the image of the bounding deer, skipping above the premonitory rumblings like a flat stone, emblemizing an "arrogant" inclination to disdain the eventual cataclysm. Thanks for explaining your use of the "Hands of God." As a technical term, rather than a personification, it is appropriately grand, but obscure to all but those familiar with the work of Bergrun. Might I suggest an expansion to clarify? Something like, "Hands of God from Saturn's rings", except better, perhaps requiring an extra line. Best, - David Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry A Posted July 1 Author Share Posted July 1 The poem perhaps paces (a little too liberally) between the literal and the figurative. If you have ever seen a deer bound gracefully, one never thinks of arrogance but of how light it appears, as though gravity has no effect on motion. But yes, the poem would be better if a little more detail was given. I left "Hands of God' the way stated so that the reader could provide their own reference for what the words meant, but 'god baggage' as Phil suggested clearly showed there was room for more detail. I think the planet Earth has consciousness, that it is touched by the Divine and we, its souled creatures have responsibility towards that. And that major event is never as happenstance as scientific materialists insist. The objects Dr. Bergrun reveals, have now been seen around the sun, some think managing the solar flares that could decimate the Earth if left to usual randomness of likelihood. What else could they be then, but a Hand of God, allowing life on Earth to survive. But that takes a certain amount of "spiritual" consideration in regards to our connection with what's out there. But the poem is hardly all of what is stated above. So room for improvement for sure. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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