joke of the day

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

Rub-A-dub-dub, Thanks for the grub…"

 

A new minister at his first service was so nervous he could hardly

speak. After the service, he asked the senior pastor how he had done.

The elder minister replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous

on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I

start to get nervous, I take a sip."

 

So the next Sunday he took the minister's advice. At the beginning of

the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up

a storm. Upon returning to his office after mass he found the

following note on his door:Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

There are 10 commandments, not 12.

There are 12 disciples, not 10.

Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to

as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.

David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.

When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he

was stoned off his ass.

We do not refer to the cross as the big T!

The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks

for the grub, yeah God."

Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not

a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

The Priest and the Politician

A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

 

"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss's wife. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people."

 

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.

 

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."

[Aleksandra]

Rub-A-dub-dub, Thanks for the grub…"

 

A new minister at his first service was so nervous he could hardly

speak. After the service, he asked the senior pastor how he had done.

The elder minister replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous

on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I

start to get nervous, I take a sip."

 

So the next Sunday he took the minister's advice. At the beginning of

the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up

a storm. Upon returning to his office after mass he found the

following note on his door:Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

There are 10 commandments, not 12.

There are 12 disciples, not 10.

Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to

as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.

David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.

When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he

was stoned off his ass.

We do not refer to the cross as the big T!

The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks

for the grub, yeah God."

Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not

a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

 

 

Vic my friend, long time ago I wanted to ask here, is the senior pastor was an Russian?

[Aleksandra]

The Priest and the Politician

A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

 

"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss's wife. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people."

 

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.

 

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."

 

 

Ah this made me laugh Victor, crazy joke but very improved What to say when all the time people shows their ... all the time it selfs. Hahaha... this was very funny.

 

Thank you my friend for sharing this joke

 

Aleks

[Aleksandra]

Ok Vic you made me to look for more jokes, so here is one from me, what I just read , I hope you like it

 

 

 

Letter to God

 

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.

 

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President ???????.

 

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

 

President ?????? thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

 

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:

 

Dear God,

 

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.

 

 

^{taken from this link}

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

hi aleks,

 

very funny joke. i have read this one before. it is sad to think the usa government is a bunch of crooks lol. i will add this joke to my jokes file. thanks for posting it. hopefully more people will respond lol.

 

vic

[Aleksandra]

Hopefully Victor

But you know in this time of challenge and troubled lives, doesn't give to the people to watch into the jokes, but definitely all of us should do that. One old expression says that the laughing ( smiling ) it's a health

 

So let's smile in this joke thread my friend , that make us to feel better, don't you think?

[Aleksandra]

And I forgot to say to not worry . The crooks captured the world and the exist everywhere, like a mushrooms

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

And I forgot to say to not worry . The crooks captured the world and the exist everywhere, like a mushrooms

 

oh aleks you made me laugh with that comment like mushrooms. people get high off of wildmushrooms lol. by the way it is very good health to laugh and smile but not at the expense of others. cya dear

 

vic

[goldenlangur]

Hi vic,

 

Where do you get your jokes from? Very wicked

 

 

goldenlangur