dr_con Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 it's gonna rain It's gonna rain (it's gonna rain) I said it's gonna rain (it's gonna rain) Yes, it's gonna rain (it's gonna rain.) I'm so happy to say (it's gonna rain) Oh it's gonna rain (it's gonna rain) on the world today-The Violent Femmes There was a woman her white dirty blouse fell open revealing a lateral scar by the way she was nodding and coughing the reason her chest cracked open was back There was a woman on the MUNI bus I heard her humming something sad and low maybe she bought her pals a pack of cigarettes to share with her friends on this cold and cloudy day There was a Lodge man who calls them Pigeons circling crumbs tobacco short snacks A lonely man by and by three fraction bags of bread crumbs in his hand, I hear him singing "There was a woman" while chasing the seagulls away and I wonder with hearts this broken can we still feel the rain? Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Haunting images Dr C., especially appreciated how you unwrapped the woman with the dirty blouse. badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted June 1, 2009 Author Share Posted June 1, 2009 Thanks Badge for dropping in! ;-) DC Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank E Gibbard Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I read your poem. That's it DC, I read somewhere that's enough for you to be content. I'm off. No really I think this deseves a bit more - in the Brendan debate - if it's that - I haven't commented on that thread it seemed a bit lairy as we say if you know what that means. I'm not the keenest on critiquing neither but try obviously. I gave a longer review on PC but will repeat just that I had in mind Midnight Cowboy with a seedy feel this slice of life emitted I felt. It was worth the investment of my imagining your story and its cast of characters. Frank Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 This one kind of gave me the blues, Dr. Con. No harm in that. Thanks for taking me to that familiar comfort zone. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Hi D_C, This is an easy read compared with your other poems. The first stanza reads like a song to me especially the words in parentheses sound like a refrain. (what's the function in your mind when you wrote it?) And the rest of it, it's so lonely with a comparison of a woman and a man. The line "while chasing the seagulls away " is beautifully sad. Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 Tony, Lake, Frank- I appreciate the feedback- a sad poem for sad times;-) The first stanza is an extended quote from the Band "Violent Femmes"- A favorite band of mine in the 80's. I had hoped that it would predispose the reader to 'hearing' the music in my head when reading this;-) Here's the actual song: Much appreciation! DC Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Wonderful sound of a poem DC. The refrain of the song is wonderful and it is a nice opening of this poem. Goes with the same spirit. You expressed on amazing way. I like a lot the part where you unwrapped the woman - as badge said. I loved this one. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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