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dr_con

/kyärəˈsk(y)o͝orō/

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dr_con

/kyärəˈsk(y)o͝orō/

Cacophony
Caw Caw Kraa Kraa
Kaav Kaav Kap Kap Kaa Kaa
chiaroscuro barely captures
the implicit emptiness
the interplay of
Shadow

    and Light
a solitary hierophant
makes when warning
his murder of a solitary
hatted figure in the fore -
ground of the back -
ground of a Fall 
cemetery amble

Let us call him George
and without resorting
to cartoon ref. That was
my father’s first name
after all and this was
the year he died /ôlˈT͟Hō/
my perambulation in the
particular scene more
Mom than Dad and 
we must call the
bird something

isn’t it funny?
was there something
before perhaps after
a particular absence
implicating my perspective
a crude childlike blotch
in the raven’s essence

? from these motions:
mistranslation mispronunciation mistakes
misidentification misunderstanding
whole worlds are created 
and cleaved

And if it was not for an accident
of Illuminated Matter
never known
lost nameless
joyous sincere 
singing songs


without witness.
Chiaroscuro.jpg.2e975ce4768d8893dc16a342dfb577fa.jpg


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tonyv

Unbelievably good! Though it's substantially a poem, you take it to the next level by including the painting(s). Consumers are treated to a media experience from the get-go: The visual appeal of the title made visiting the topic a must. From there, I was caught up in the poem, then held captive by the paintings.

I don't analyze internet traffic, but most site operators do. They're always looking at metrics like "bounce rate" which has to do with how quickly a visitor to a site leaves. For example, when I click on a link to open a news article, and the first thing that happens is a box with a nagging ad pops up, I bounce quickly, never to return. (Let them analyze that.) But with a topic like this, the drive-by clicker is rewarded and could even get excited about poetry. :-8)

And when it came to this:

On 11/13/2019 at 4:30 PM, dr_con said:

... mistranslation mispronunciation mistakes
misidentification misunderstanding ...

... not only did it delight me and make me smile, it reminded me of the importance of smilies (not similes -- I don't need to be reminded about those). :laugh:

Nice work on the topic!

Tony :happy:


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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A. Baez

Some elements of this are interesting to me, and there is some inherent magnetism in the conversational, rambling tone, but I found myself getting progressively more lost as I read on. Would you be able to synopsize in one sentence what you're trying to say here? By the second to last stanza, I'm thoroughly without clue. 

I think my favorite part is the beginning, with its wild wordplay:

Cacophony
Caw Caw Kraa Kraa
Kaav Kaav Kap Kap Kaa Kaa
chiaroscuro barely captures

This really erupts into a vivid mental image of multitudes of crows cawing and flapping in high treetops for me!

As for the title, I get it, but it's naturally challenging from a visual perspective alone. I think you'd be able to get away with it better if there were more clarity ensuing. But why the phonetical constructions, anyway?

I kept wanting to read " when warning/his murder" as "when warning/his murderer;" how can one "warn a murder"? "Implicating my perspective" also seems a strange construction. Then, why all the digressions in the third stanza--do they contribute, either directly or by implication, something substantive to the narrative you'd just begun? By the fourth stanza, I'm hoping you'll return back to where you left off this narrative in the second, but that doesn't happen. So is this whole poem all just some stream-of-consciousness internal monologue? What's the "particular absence"? Why the introduction of the raven where there had been crows? The very specific, personal mental associations that you have, and that you undoubtedly take for granted, may not feel at all natural to a reader, who may well come to the page with a very different range of life experiences. 

The form seems appropriate to your content. I would just like to see that content greatly disciplined and clarified. 

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dr_con

Thank you Tony for your Kind words. Greatly appreciate your feedback. A. Baez. Thank You! I have composed a rather long piece in response, I will post it, if you promise to understand 'best intentions' on my part and do not assume, unless directly quoted that I am referring to 'You.' If so, I will;-)

 

Many Thanks all!

 

Juris & Dr. Con


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A. Baez

Dr. Con, go for it!

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Guest

I love the fury of words you have placed here but it's all so scattered in your poem, I can't even imagine anyone trying to critique this. 😕

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dr_con
7 hours ago, Tsunami said:

I can't even imagine anyone trying to critique this

The Cliff Notes are available as Selfportrait as Murder Mystery! 😉 Thanks for commenting, I truly appreciate it, and I consider I

Quote

love the fury of words you have placed here

To be a great critique, because its how it made you feel. TY!


Join the Voodoo rEvolution. Classes forming now: http://www.integralvoodoo.org/

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