dr_con Posted November 13, 2019 Share Posted November 13, 2019 /kyärəˈsk(y)o͝orō/ Cacophony Caw Caw Kraa Kraa Kaav Kaav Kap Kap Kaa Kaa chiaroscuro barely captures the implicit emptiness the interplay of Shadow and Light a solitary hierophant makes when warning his murder of a solitary hatted figure in the fore - ground of the back - ground of a Fall cemetery amble Let us call him George and without resorting to cartoon ref. That was my father’s first name after all and this was the year he died /ôlˈT͟Hō/ my perambulation in the particular scene more Mom than Dad and we must call the bird something isn’t it funny? was there something before perhaps after a particular absence implicating my perspective a crude childlike blotch in the raven’s essence ? from these motions: mistranslation mispronunciation mistakes misidentification misunderstanding whole worlds are created and cleaved And if it was not for an accident of Illuminated Matter never known lost nameless joyous sincere singing songs without witness. Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted November 17, 2019 Share Posted November 17, 2019 Unbelievably good! Though it's substantially a poem, you take it to the next level by including the painting(s). Consumers are treated to a media experience from the get-go: The visual appeal of the title made visiting the topic a must. From there, I was caught up in the poem, then held captive by the paintings. I don't analyze internet traffic, but most site operators do. They're always looking at metrics like "bounce rate" which has to do with how quickly a visitor to a site leaves. For example, when I click on a link to open a news article, and the first thing that happens is a box with a nagging ad pops up, I bounce quickly, never to return. (Let them analyze that.) But with a topic like this, the drive-by clicker is rewarded and could even get excited about poetry. And when it came to this: On 11/13/2019 at 4:30 PM, dr_con said: ... mistranslation mispronunciation mistakes misidentification misunderstanding ... ... not only did it delight me and make me smile, it reminded me of the importance of smilies (not similes -- I don't need to be reminded about those). Nice work on the topic! Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A. Baez Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 Some elements of this are interesting to me, and there is some inherent magnetism in the conversational, rambling tone, but I found myself getting progressively more lost as I read on. Would you be able to synopsize in one sentence what you're trying to say here? By the second to last stanza, I'm thoroughly without clue. I think my favorite part is the beginning, with its wild wordplay: Cacophony Caw Caw Kraa Kraa Kaav Kaav Kap Kap Kaa Kaa chiaroscuro barely captures This really erupts into a vivid mental image of multitudes of crows cawing and flapping in high treetops for me! As for the title, I get it, but it's naturally challenging from a visual perspective alone. I think you'd be able to get away with it better if there were more clarity ensuing. But why the phonetical constructions, anyway? I kept wanting to read " when warning/his murder" as "when warning/his murderer;" how can one "warn a murder"? "Implicating my perspective" also seems a strange construction. Then, why all the digressions in the third stanza--do they contribute, either directly or by implication, something substantive to the narrative you'd just begun? By the fourth stanza, I'm hoping you'll return back to where you left off this narrative in the second, but that doesn't happen. So is this whole poem all just some stream-of-consciousness internal monologue? What's the "particular absence"? Why the introduction of the raven where there had been crows? The very specific, personal mental associations that you have, and that you undoubtedly take for granted, may not feel at all natural to a reader, who may well come to the page with a very different range of life experiences. The form seems appropriate to your content. I would just like to see that content greatly disciplined and clarified. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted November 19, 2019 Author Share Posted November 19, 2019 Thank you Tony for your Kind words. Greatly appreciate your feedback. A. Baez. Thank You! I have composed a rather long piece in response, I will post it, if you promise to understand 'best intentions' on my part and do not assume, unless directly quoted that I am referring to 'You.' If so, I will;-) Many Thanks all! Juris & Dr. Con Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A. Baez Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 Dr. Con, go for it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 21, 2019 Share Posted November 21, 2019 I love the fury of words you have placed here but it's all so scattered in your poem, I can't even imagine anyone trying to critique this. 😕 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted November 21, 2019 Author Share Posted November 21, 2019 7 hours ago, Tsunami said: I can't even imagine anyone trying to critique this The Cliff Notes are available as Selfportrait as Murder Mystery! 😉 Thanks for commenting, I truly appreciate it, and I consider I Quote love the fury of words you have placed here To be a great critique, because its how it made you feel. TY! Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted November 21, 2019 Author Share Posted November 21, 2019 10 hours ago, A. Baez said: Dr. Con, go for it! I have: http://www.poetrymagnumopus.com/topic/5464-selfportrait-as-murder-mystery/ Enjoy and Once again, Much Gratitude for the inspiration! DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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