Omar Posted April 21, 2022 Share Posted April 21, 2022 Pigments of truth hurt the wounds. Hands from the dirt attempting to catch The light And hope is mysteriously rouge I saw the sun on a blind day Ribbons of smoke and ashes on the Tip of the flashes Beyond the mask there are eyes Remissly unsighted This is the moment I penetrat through The crevices of yours And a bundle of my heart pulses ,that Kept drowning ,a Symphony clamored I saw the sun on a blind day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted April 21, 2022 Share Posted April 21, 2022 13 hours ago, Omar013 said: Ribbons of smoke and ashes on the Tip of the flashes . . . . . I saw the sun on a blind day Love this imagery and sound. 13 hours ago, Omar013 said: Beyond the mask there are eyes Remissly unsighted This is the moment I penetrate through The crevices of yours And a bundle of my heart pulses, that Kept drowning, a Symphony clamored I saw the sun on a blind day Is there such a word as "remissly"? Well there is now and it works. Nice, ~~Tink 1 Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omar Posted April 28, 2022 Author Share Posted April 28, 2022 @Tinker thanks. Yes there is, I found it in the dictionary and used it in this poem 😊. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted April 30, 2022 Share Posted April 30, 2022 From a technical viewpoint, I also love the musicality, enjambment, and rhythm of the poem. I tried to check if this poem is accessible, comprehensible. Omar gave several concrete words - wounds, hands, eyes, crevices and bundle - lined up against abstractions - truth and hope. I am not sure if the poem is intentionally not coherent. The main meat, in my opinion, is the part where the speaker penetrates the crevices of the other, and the physical reaction of the speaker. Not sure how that relates to seeing the sun in a blind day. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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