XC: a sport in poems

[xcturtl]

These are the best of my first works. Critique very much appreciated!

 

Cross Country - a haiku

 

If cross country was

Easy, nobody would want

To run with the best

 

XC

 

Running is like

FREEDOM 

     Fast

*blink*

And you’re gone

Push yourself to the 

                            brink

Adrenaline is the

Only

Thing

keeping you 

M o  v   i    n     g

Your breath is

ChOppy

But

you

Are 

In

A

Rhy

Thm

With the 

 FINISH!!! 

In sight

 

1st.

 

XC #2

 

Run and feel pain

So you can

Run and feel pain

So you could

Run in a race

And now you

Run and feel good

So you now

Run and feel pain

Becuz you

Ran and felt stron
 

Freedom

 

Water and rocks

The nature that talks, saying:

“Come and see me,

This wondrous world,

The birds and the sky

Come and hear me,

The whoosh of water

And the whisper of leaves”

The gentle thump of my shoes

My freedom, I’ve paid my dues

I want to leave the city behind

Let the glory of god fill my mind

The green and blue and red rushing by

I’ll trust my training to carry me

Far, I don't want to stop, let me

Fly with the birds who befriend me

The river view the mountain trail

Synonyms: “Freedom”

 

“Running”.

 

XC

 

Cross Country 5K

Just 3 miles to pour out your

Heart and soul to win

[David W. Parsley]

Hi XC, I like the playful use of capitalization, spelling, and spacing in XC #1.  It has the feel of Concrete Poetry to it.

The opening stanza correctly applies the 5-7-5 syllable count characteristic of classical haiku.  I think it would work even better if it addressed a specific instance, especially one that evokes a scene from nature that implies season.  The final stanza, titled "XC", would also benefit from revealing a similarly private in-the-moment reflection.  It also needs a seventh syllable in the second line if the intention is to produce a classical haiku.  I enjoy this write-up on composing haiku.

Cheers,
 - Dave

[xcturtl]

Thank you so much! This really helped.